Why I feel guilty about not wanting to celebrate my 40th ps. It's not what you think and I love

Today is my 40th birthday!

Aujourd'hui c'est mon 40ème anniversaire! (continuer a lire pour le français)

I woke up feeling all kinds of mixed feelings so I decided to roll over and go back to sleep for another hour. Hihihi not quite ready to face the day in this new decade.

I’m feeling a strange sense of guilt about this forty year celebration. It has nothing to do with turning forty (I’m quite excited about that). It is because there is this feeling that I should be celebrating and I don’t want to. My deep inner voice just wants to let it pass like any other day acknowledging the sweet shift into a new phase of life. The other part of me, my mind and my obligation to the world keeps telling me I need to celebrate. Can you guess which one I’m going to listen to?

When I finally did get out of bed this morning - much needed rest after a long flight to Europe - I settled into a sweet birthday yoga session by Yoga With Adriene on Youtube. Ahhh blissful! Lying in corpse pose enjoying the effects of deep movement on my body, I suddenly understood how I would celebrate this new adventure called forty.

I want to write more. I want this year to be about reflecting on the past 10 years and feeling, intuitively, where the next 10 years are likely to take me. I want to share knowledge and help others embrace life. Find fulfilment in the little things and learn to heal, and I don’t mean medically heal. I mean moving towards a better version of ourselves and LOVING everything about ourselves…the good, the bad and the darn right crazy arse stuff (yup, I’ve been there so I know you’ve been there too).

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Gandhi got it so right when he uttered these words. The only way we can contribute to our lives and the ones around us is by going inwards and being that change. Living by example, truth and most importantly being AUTHENTIC.

I know on many levels I’m doing this already…Footsteps To Inspire certainly got me covered on lots of aspects. Giving up my life for 5 years and running 16 kilometres of beach in every country of the world to promote peace and support sexual violence survivors is courageous, selfless and certainly creating change. Yet, I know there is MORE!

Us humans always wanting more, you’d think we would have learnt by now. No panic, this more is something a little different. It’s a more that is intertwined with my reason for being here on earth. My purpose, if you want to put it that way. We all come here for a reason. We are born knowing our PURPOSE. By the time we navigate childhood, survive education systems and become adults that knowledge has been beaten out of us (quite literally for some of us…I dont’ know about you, but I had some serious whallopings as a kid). We then spend the rest of our adult days figuring out what it was we came here to do. For some of us, that understanding reveals itself earlier on, usually because of some insanely difficult life trauma. For others, we’ll die never knowing. That’s okay. It is part of this messy, beautiful thing we call LIFE.

So what is your purpose Claire you ask.

Hahaha, I’m not telling right now. What I can tell you is that there is going to be a lot more writing and videos this year.

I’ve seen from my journey so far that life is messy, unpredictable and we as humans are just trying our best to figure it all out. We can’t be perfect all the time. We certainly can’t hide away that nasty, scary stuff that arises. You know the things like guilt, anger, frustration, sadness, depression, the control freak, the ‘I don’t give a shit’ kind a guy - all that stuff. But why should we hide it away? Isn’t it part of who we our? What we need to figure out is how to ACCEPT and LOVE ourselves with all of this scary stuff. Wouldn’t life be way easier?

This is my celebration today…accepting all of these feelings of guilt because I’m not going to have a huge celebration for my 40th. Instead I’m listening to the little gut voice that is saying: ‘Claire, today is just the start of an incredible decade to come. Be patient and go into with softness’.

Disclaimer: I love getting gifts!

Just because I’m not having a mega huge 40th celebration party doesn’t mean I don’t like receiving presents. The best gift you can give me this year is making a donation to Footsteps To Inspire and helping me run in some more countries on the heroic expedition. Click the link which will take you directly to the donation page: Claire’s 40th Birthday present

Biggest thanks and wishing you all lots of peace, harmony, laughter and love!

En Francais

Claire McFarlane

Aujourd'hui c'est mon 40ème anniversaire!

Je me suis réveillé en ressentant toutes sortes de sentiments mitigés alors j'ai décidé de me rendormir pendant une heure de plus. Hihihi, pas tout à fait prête à affronter la journée dans cette nouvelle décennie.

Je ressens un étrange sentiment de culpabilité à propos de cette célébration de 40 ans. Cela n'a rien à voir avec l'âge de 40 ans (je suis très contente à ce sujet). C'est parce qu'il y a ce sentiment que je devrais célébrer et je ne veux pas. Ma voix intérieure profonde veut juste le laisser passer comme n'importe quel autre jour en reconnaissant le doux changement dans une nouvelle phase de la vie. L'autre partie de moi, mon cerveau et mon obligation envers le monde ne cessent de me dire que je dois célébrer. Peux-tu deviner lequel je vais écouter?

Quand je suis finalement sorti du lit ce matin - un repos bien nécessaire après un long vol en Europe - j’ai fait une douce séance de yoga d'anniversaire par Yoga With Adriene sur Youtube. Ahhh quel bonheur! Allongée dans la pose de cadavre profitant des effets du mouvement profond sur mon corps, j'ai soudainement compris comm